Hello beautiful people

     Hello all my beautiful friends!!! its been some time, i know, and i seems like i say that often, I also know. However yes i am back. So heres what has been going on with my life, still struggling with weither or not I will continue to persue nursing or if I want to persue something that has more passion to me. I have not lost the 100 million pound I want to but I am re-focusing, and getting ready to make some major imporvements in my life. I have decided that I cant stress over things that I dont have that much control over. When the time comes and it will come, I will know what major I will choose, and I think it time(hopefully soon time) I will know exactly what I want to be. And I do think that will come, because already I think I know what I would like to do, just need to make sure. SOO anyway, as for loosing weight an getting healthy, oh man I have been doing so bad with eating! It has been horrible, totally horrible. I have eaten nothing but crap and junk food!! And working out, what working out? That has been none exsistant also, but not anymore, i noticed something today, last night I told myself I really wanted to try and workout before work, and although I did not accomplish that, I did accomplish getting up and being like step one, actually getting out of bed, and i think that was a really big deal, and it made me happy. So once I get some more homework done I will be putting on my good old running shoes and hitting the pavement for some basic cardio. I am also really going to start boxing again, and try and getting jumping again with a jump rope. So thats the plan for me. Hopefully with this next week you guys will also notice a change in my blog. I want people to see what I see, I think thats really inspiring. So I want to take pics of everything I see from now on, and show you guys, maybe not right as much but show more, if that makes sense. So check back, and keep me posted on what you think!!

Reunited and it feels so good..

So I have been having problems lately. I have been really doubting my career choice what i am going to school for and some other thing, i will be totally honest and tell you that my eating and working out have not been in check. But today i woke up and knew what i need to do. I worked on important school work, go some things around the house done, went jogging(i know totally crazy right) did my P90X. and not only did i do those things but i did them reunited with my favorite work out shirt, my TEAM JULLIAN shirt. it sounds weird but that shirt totally inpowers me, make me feel like i can do anything. So i did a great work out then went and bough some healthy food for the week, i came home and made great breakfast muffins for me an bradley to take with us for a busy week. and i am feeling good, now hopefully this feeling will stay, and i can make some real progress this week :) goodnight!!

Day 23: yay its an update

hello friends or foes, which ever you fall under, How are you doing tonight? I hope your day was better then mine, and your night was as good as mine. I had a very bad day today, I have been very stressed out and just so lost as i had expressed before but then had some girl time with a great friend and then really worked some major stuff out. So that was very good. I'm still a little stressed out about school things but i think that is just to be expected. So last time i told you i was going to update on how my p90x dvds were going and they are going very well. i really like them, alot. they are hard and challenging but are broken up into ten minute periods so its totally do-able, i am really sore tonight and i know tomorrow I am going to be very sore and luckly tomorrow is my easier day and all i have to do is some nice yoga (im sure, its isnt going to be as easy I have convinced myself it will be, but thats okay) so thats pretty much everything I have for you guys tonight. Sorry i dont have a picture tonight but I am already in bed with the lights off and my man friends is ready to cuddle so i think he might have a small fit if i ask him to get up and turn the lights on so I can write in my blog. Just saying.Okay goodnight world see you in the next few days :)

Day 22: tomorrrow is a big day

Hello friends, how are we all doing on this very cold weekend? I hope very well! so I am in a very inspired more tonight because for me tomorrow is a very big day. I finally get to start p90x. For those of you thinking "girlfriend you are crazy, and way to out of shape" well i would have to agree with that. I will be starting the begineers addition. it helps you to start to loose weight and build up the stanima and endurance you will need to do the real thing. I am very excited for this because it is only 30 minutes a day 6 days a week and then only 10 minutes a day once a week. i feel like it is totally do-able for me. I have been working my new position at macys and i love it. Getting to interact with all these new hires reminds me of when i was a new hire and so egar to sell and please. It has really been a very wonderful weekend. and getting to finally break in my new CBU sweatshirt is a great feeling also. I love this cold weather, it makes cuddling with you specail someone even more enjoyable. I hope everyone has a great night and ill update you tomorrow as to how the new workout goes. GOODNIGHT :)

Day 21: Nov 1st, okay lets start a new.

hello friends, so today has been an eye opening day. It started out kind of ruff, I was feeling very down, didnt really want to be at school, didnt want to be alone. Was just in a very horrible mind set. If you dont know last week I got sick and so missed like almost a whole week of school, luckly I have amazing teachers who are totally great (especially if you have a doctors note). but this is not about my teachers or having a bad day, it is about the signs your life throws you when you think all is really lost. So I went into my english professors office, because  I have missed like 4 classes, so I wanted to talk to her about an essay I was behind on and see what i should do. I was telling her all these Ideas that kept poping up as I was writing this essay and leading me in ten different ways, making it so I could never finish anything. Thinking she is going to say oh well to bad, she says "thats great, that is exactly what this class is suppose to do, you are totally on track, let your mind go, explore all the options it wants you too," it was sooo amzing to have a professor who was actually interested in what I was saying. She told me to go home and just write about the essay, whatever came to mind all the ideas just write them and then submit it, because she was excited to read it and see that her class WAS doing what she wanted it to. Making me question what i started with, make me uncomfortable but still making me grow. It was really cool. so after talking to her i went to my global studies class where we had a guest speaker, who had been living in Indonesia, including when the big earth quake and tsunami hit. And even though he said some amazing things, there was one thing he shared. when the wave hitthe village him and his family were staying in as missionaries was hit, him and his family were actually on a boat on there way to singapour, when they returned to find nothing they were shocked. their neighbor, a young girl in her twenties who had lost both her parents the year before had lost everything as well, including the family animals that helped her to earn money. The speaker was so enraged he asked her why she thought God would do this to them (yes this was a missionary saying this) and he said the next thing she said forever changed him more then any natural disaster could. she said " Brian, what do you mean? God kept you, your family, me, our neighbors alive. The question is what did we do for God to spare us." isnt that inspiring? because that is how so many of us live our lifes, asking what we did wrong for god to punish us, when we should be asking what we did to deserve the small gifts we get. I feel so good today. I hope to keep that message in my mind. Please tell me what you think of that message.

day 20: its time to face the truth.

So it really is time to face the facts and be honst with myself as well as the people who support me and also read my blog. I keep painting a picture i think, painting this picture of what i want everyone to see, but i think its also a picture i want to see, maybe if i make myself see a "picture" i will start to believe it. I keep saying I am not working out as much as I like, but the truth is I am really not working out at all, and i keeping fooling myself with this whole eating thing. If you order off the "healthy" menu does not mean you can eat as much as you want and it will be fine. I feel very lost in my life in a lot of reasons, be completely uncomfortable with myself is one of those things, I am very lost in life and also in school. I recently dressed up for a halloween party, and was so uncomfortable with myself i felt like a fool, getting dressed up and then looking around me and seeing everyone look thin and sexy and then there was me. feeling like an frompy fool, I look around me and see poeple who will be starting their careers in just s few months or a year and i look around and say wow i still have four years till i come close to my career. Do i even want to be a nurse? how does anyone know what they want to be? do you just know? because i really dont know. So im being honest. please give me some feed back. I am very confused in life and things I am so uncomfortable with how i look but i feel like I have felt this way for years now so why arent I changing things. UHHHH im frustrated, can you tell... Any help??? (oh and sorry, no picture tonight)

day 18: HMMM

So i do not have a fancy title today, mainly because much like the weather it was just a dreey day. I got to spend most of the day by my very specail man-friends side tho. He is doing alot better today, in case any one was worried. I really don't have much to say about today. I have been feeling like maybe im getting sick, which means I was not able to work out today, bummer. but i think tomorrow i might try and get out an maybe go for a hike or something. get outside and enjoy this cold weather. So thats really all I have tonight not that eventful. I am really sorry for anyone out there looking for some more. I dont have much to give tonight. But stay posted and I am sure tomorrow will be more eventful, I think on top of working out i might try and do some baking, since i will be home all day i will be homeworking, working out and baking, let me know if you would like to join me for any of the above :) have a great night everybody!