day 11: wow, the way world universe works.

Hello, I know what your thinking, looks who is the early bird today. And yes I most deffenatly am. Today is so interesting, the reason for that is because i decided to jump on the scale and just see, see where I am at. I mean I only went to the gym like two or three times this week. Didnt eat super great, but you know you cant make changes unless you know what your working with, right? Well, I stepped on that scale, closed my eyes, counted to ten and looked down. And woah! What a shock I actually lost a pound this week. I mean i know thats not alot but its going to right way down the road im heading. Its taking steps forward and not taking steps backward. And that makes me pretty happy. So ill be heading to the gym pretty soon here. Oh and starting my new job tomorrow thats pretty exciting also. Well Im going to finsih watching Big Rich Texas(my great secret addication) then ill see you later. I hope everyone has a great day and a great week also.

day 10: im a bad blogger :(

Sorry, I have been a really bad blogger lately i know.. There has been so much i want to say but i keep forget to do it. and then when I am laying in bed at like 1:30 im like awwww i forgot again!! okay well im here now, so I came to a realization today, i have this whole great mind from about getting healthy loosing weight and all that, but i set myself up to fail everytime. why is that? because i say i want to get healthy I am not on  a diet, I am doing a complete life style change right? well then how come i am like okay well by sept bla bla bla I am going to be a million pounds lighter. Well heres a shocker that day comes and goes, that weight never comes and I sit totally defeated. There is a reason that people struggle with this, and it is because it isnt an easy thing nor something that once you do it your done, skinny forever. Its hard, it takes time and dedication, but i mean I am dedicating to a full time work schedule, a full time school schedule, dedicating to a career that is very competive and hard to do. So why not take this time to do something for my body? I mean i either put the time in now or suffer later right? So im not setting dead lines, its going to happen i just need to remember that. I need to work make smart choices about what to eat, but also to remember  that just because i want to go and have a french fry doesnt make me a failure. It makes me a person, you know? Alright gotta go watch Jersey show now... have a goodnight ad lets have a great week!

DAY 9: YAY the beach.

WOW, Im doing pretty good this week, working out, writing in my blog, eating(well thats atleast going decent) i am sitting here eating an apple tho, so thats good. but had a fun day, went to the beach and got to get away from the stress of worrying about money and life and work, and it was really nice actually. you know that whole only having to worry about getting eaten by a 1000 pound man eating fish thing. which the crazy part is we were totally going to go to hunginton today (where they caught a shark today) but then changed to go to oceanside(got lucky there) but hung out with caden and brad and goik, did some extreme boggie boarding( which consisded of slamming into goik) and then eating at rubys and having a very yummy salad, then cam home and now its jersey shore night. Heading to the gym tomorrow, gotta keep doing my running and staying on track. staying positive this week and NO DRAMA!!! thats all im saying about that situation.

Day 8: Inspirations in the smallest of packages..

So today was not all that expiring. Went to Sam's club and Costco(bought some healthy stuff for the week though) came home, had some Oreos( I know that is not a great choice but they were so DELISOUS!!!) kind of just hung out, waiting for brad to get home. My mom then asked me if I could do her a favor and take my sister to these gymnastics classes. Here is the story with my younger sister, If you know here you know she was a team gymnast, if you dont know her well first off she is all of like four foot four and like 85 lbs, second, she was a level five competitive gymnast. She was going on almost four years of gymnastics when this summer she decided to walk away, and for pretty good reasons. This summer the gym she goes to got new coaches. Now don't get me wrong, gymnastics is a very hard sport, an you have to be pushed to succeed. However, when you tell a 12 year old girl she looks like a dead fish flopping on the ground, well not only are you rude but your a word I don't care to say on my blog. After two or three months of Sierra coming home from practice because her coaches were not only making her "condition" harder then most Olympic gymnasts, but there was a new insult every night(if you would like the list i kept, we can discuss it further) we sat down as a family and decided she would take time off. She has been really happy ever since quiting, but has missed this sport she has done almost all her life. So she went back tonight just to do rec classes. This is where my inspiration came in, She walked in and although all her friends were happy to see her, those same coaches that were the reason she left just glared at her and me. But she tumbled an worked out and had a great time. In the car on the way home she said the greatest thing "I'm not going to let some dumb coach ruin MY sport" she inspired me so much i decided to return back to gymnastics next week with her to the classes I use to take. When you look for inspiration in your everyday life, you find it in even the smallest of places, and Little's of accomplishments.

Day 7: new friends and new revelations,

WOW, day number 7. weekaversry!!! Okay on to the point, so I know I am actually writting early today. well thats because i have some serious things to say. I got to make a new friend today and it was really interesting when you think to that time when you meet someone for the first time. Do you even remember what thoughts race threw your mind? depending on the type of person you are, do you let the positive thoughts race right out of your head and hold onto all the negavtive one you have? or do you let the bad thoughts race out an hold onto those postivie thoughts? does anyone really follow the "dont judge a book by its cover" saying? i dont know. here is what i do know starting today. My new friend made me realize something today( see new friend you inspire me already) everyone really does struggle. It does not matter who you THOUGHT they were, everyone has these things they want to work on, most of the time they dont want us to see those issues, and why is that? Why is it that on top of the struggles we have already we then struggle to hide everything we are trying to do. Lets face it, we cant do everything on our own. We need our supports, and why should we want to do it alone? When you do something so amazing, when you accomplish something so great, dont you want to turn to someone special and say "LOOK WHAT I DID" and dont you want someone to tell you how great it was that you did that? I know I do.And you know what the people who want to see you do good are going to support you and are going to want to watch you succeed, and the people that dont want you to, well they are going to want to see you do it,probably becuase they could never do it themselves. Soo, here is my new plan, I am going to ask for support find people who can build me up and I can build up(alot of which i already have) I am going to celebrate the smallest things(like eating a great breakfast and lunch) and im going to be honest with what I can do and can accomplish and what I might fail at. Great monday if i do say so myself. 

day number???? soorrrry

Okay Okay Im a bad blogger I have been preoccupied a little bit. But Im back, and Im really ready to start out this week. So these last few days/week have been all about me figuring out things in life, and yes I know that doesnt happen over a week, but its starting me down the right path. I have had alot of doubts lately. In my relationship with both my signifcant other and my friendships, I have had alot of doubts about god and religion for many years now, and have had alot of doubts about what I am capable of. Well over this summer so many things for me have been answered.  I realized that I dont have to go to chruch every day or even everyweek, I dont have to scream to the world how catholic I am or what i believe the relationship I have with god is just that, my relationship with god. But it is deffenatly a relationship i need to continue working one. I have been so happy lately that some of my closest friends have come back into my life and given me the chance to see what amazing friendships i have and continue to have. Most important my relationship with Brad. We have deffenatly been tested lately. But i feel like right when we fall down I really notice how much we continue to grow with each other and how blessed I am to have that support system. SOO as for  this week coming up. Brad has two aunts that i truly find inspirational, well actually most of his family inspires me, but in this aspect he has two, they both are open with their struggle with weight and the struggle they have always faced. What inspires me about them is that they are always open with everyone about what things they are trying to help them with their struggle and they are always open when something fails them. Spending time with them on sundays always makes me ready to face my week ahead. so thats what I have for time being, I promise I will be good all week and keep you in the loop(pictures and all) i hope everyone starts their week out right as well. GOODLUCK!!!

day 5: we all face some bumbs.

so in every relationships i think its pretty fair to say every relationship faces problems, it has ups and downs, but i think for me personally its when you face those downs that you really see what those ups really mean to you. I was giving someone relationship advice today, and it sort of made me laugh because it was the same advice i followed to try to show Brad how much i liked him, and to think of all those starting stages of our relationships. it makes me happy to know that not only have I watched myself grow so much as a person these last fews years but I have had someone there to push me to go further then i ever thought i could go and to be there to support me but also give me that chance to stand alone to succeed and fly or fail and fall(but then always pick me up) but thats not the point of the today. My whole point of this today was to say althought i have not yet taken my health change seriously yet, i have been noticing other parts of my life changing just this week, that makes me happy. oh and sorry no picture today, the computer has no webcam on it... LAME.. :)

day 4: new devils? or just finally seeing?

So techincally its actully day five. but if your really paying that close attention then you need to get a life quicker then i do. so heres the verdict i have faced today, food truly is a demon for me. I seem to loose all control in that aspect. today for example, i was makinf a seasme chicken frozen meal, nice healthy option right? and while waiting for it to cook, i suddenly realized i was snakcing on a stale old piece of apple pie. It wasnt even good. Whats wrng with that pciture? I feel like i have so much inspiration all around me to change my eating but i dont do anything about it. and that is very frustrating! why is it so hard to break habits, habits that arent even healthy for us. Is this what an addict feels like it?  totally trapped in the whole they have dug themselves? why is it that 9 times out of tens the things we hate most about ourself are the things that are the hardest to change? any advice from anyone? how can i change my eating habits for the better, once and for all! no diets, no starving, truly becoming healthy!!! I NEED HELP!!!

day 3: OUCH!!!

so sorry for those of you who were waiting to hear more from me yesterday. It was not a positive day. seemed like everything i tried to did not happen.but thats okay i suppose have to keep my head up. so as for today, well i went to work at 11 today, things were going very well, like half an hour before my shift was over i was talking to my manager, took a step forward and all the sudden horrible pains shot up both of my hips. It was positivly horrible!!! Then I got home and now not only do my hip bones feel like someone is stabing them, but now my whole lower back, from side to side, is in the worst pain also! soooooo here i lay on the couch with a heating pad. not exactly the best when you had a list the size of china you wanted to get done once you got home from work.. OUCH...

Day 2: a cheap treadmill and jillian micheals.

so day number two of blogging... i have no idea if anyone is reading this but here goes. So i went to old navy today and found running shorts for .97 cent. yes thats right .97 cents. they are cute, and super hot pink. so with new shorts in tow i was ready to get back to working out. So my mom bought this new treadmill the other day and i was going to try it out because for as much as i loath running, heres a fact i always notice, when at the gym where the line of treadmills are you always see the skinny in shape girls running there asses off and then the not so Skinny girl on the other things. so my new philosophy is i will essentially fake it till i make it. Run on the treadmill like i am a skinny girl until i actually become a skinny girl. so i hop on this treadmill and start going and it freaking SUCKED!!! as the incline got higher i couldnt even rest my hands on something i was to tall. so after 10 minutes of totally struggling i hit that huge red stop button and was DONE... i sat on the couch with the intent to be pissed off with an inaniment object, or i could try this again. so here i sit saying a quick hello and now i am off to do a jillian micheals video(because after all she is my hero in life) i shall keep you posted till then. oh and SUPER sexy workout/daily picture is up.

Dry run.

Okay well its the first day out... I will warn you know you will probably find more spelling mistakes and puncuation errors then if a second grader was writting this. But here we go. I read so many peoples blogs, sometimes even people i dont know that well. Its funny how you can write our deepest thoughts on a blog for hundreds of people to read, but could probably never say most of them outload. Do you think that we do that because this way the thoughts go somewhere but we dont actually have to SAY them? for example, I am uncomfortable in my own skin and the way i look. wow i just erased and rewrote that about 100 times. but thats the point of the blog to be honest maybe even when i dont want to be. but why write a blog? because maybe if i have something to answer to i can follow something i have never followed threw with. and that is... getting healthy. i dont want another family function to come around and me to think wow i wish i was about 75 lbs thinner, or another date night that i go on grumpy because nothing fit like it did when i bought it. i found something interesting today. this may sound totally lame, but as i was watching keeping up with the Kardashings today, which was all about Kim having the issues with being infront of crowds of people talking dancing and performing, i realized that she is a women who has possed naked for playboy, has been captured in a string bikini, and you know what, still has body and confidence issues. Isnt that saying something? Im not sure what i will always write in this blog. but my goal is to always write in this blog, on the good days, the bad days, even the ugly days with a picture included(much like the one above).. so hopefully, if im lucky maybe ill help someone else struggling with goals that seem inpossible, and if not.. well i still got you to waste like maybe 10 minutes on me rambling . so here goes, my journey to find whatever it is I am looking for to find. goodnight.