LIFE IS AN EXPERINCE NOT A CHORE!!!

Hi guys, so I have a message I really want to pass on to everyone. So today for the oral part of my spanish final I got to sing "Deck the Halls" in spanish. It was kind of cool actually. That is not my message however, so my message to everyone is, Why do we treat our life like it is a chore? It isnt, and anyone who says they know anything about the god or the bible should know this. People complain about work, and trust me there are days where I would much rather be at home with the ones I love, but I am very blessed to have a job. And a job is meant to help you provide what you need. If you have what you need, then you can't really complain. There are so many road blocks that you will all face in your life, but if we all just sat down and said oh well, well where would this world be? I mean I have plenty of blessings in my life, but I could complain about plenty also, but if I did that my life would be so negative and so unenjoyable. Why dont people get that??? So many people forget those small things. I love my time i get with anyone, when me and brad get an extra 20 minutes driving in the car even if we aren't talking that time is so meaningful. Why don't we see that thought? I wish people would step back and see that, things could be so much worse. I heard a story on the news, where a bell ringer for the salvation army found a silver coin in their bucket, with that coin was a note, that said "this peice of silver is something  I have had for thirty years, I lost my jobs 30 months ago, my house is in forclosure, and I have no retirement left, but my life could be so much worse, and so many other people things much worse" wow that is so amazing. I think we should all realize that.

this week...

hello beautiful people, so how are you doing today. I finally got my new reboks today. I am really excited got to break them in running/jogging/walking in the hills with th dogs and brad. SO so far this week if off to a good start, i have worked out really well, had my first big final today, it was an english final presentation which i totally nailed. My professor told me I should really try and major in marketing or journalism. Which was totally a compliment because both of things really interest me. SOO now I only have a spanish final, and my last global studies paper, which i found out today on my last two papers in global studies I got 100% and a 92%, not sooo bad if i do say so myself. So with that I am tired, I am going to bed early tonight so maybe I can actually wake up and jog tomorrow like I have been meaning to do for like 2 weeks now. GOODNIGHT =)

its only monday

Hi guys!!! So its the beginning of the week and oh my god, its only the beginning of the week. Thats crazy with all the homework i have done today and my day a work yesterday, it should be friday already. But thats okay because i found out on sunday that even though i did not work out as much as I would have liked, my eating habits paid off because I lost a whole 4 POUNDS!!! I was really excited. Sooo as for this week I am going to step up my working out and then see you on sunday another four pounds. SO I kind of have an issue I would really love to vent about. And I would love some honest feed back. Me and brad will be celebrating our three year anniversy in about a month and I am really excited, however I am started to get annoyed with the world and how such important things mean so little to people. Like the words I LOVE YOU. it seems like it means nothing to people, how can you be with a person for like a month and possible understand love? have you been threw true test? have you seen each other at your worst? celebrated the bests? get that feeling that you cant breath and you will never catch your breath if that other person leaves? If you dont know what that feels you arent even close to love, you and love arent even in the same city. If you can watch that person cry for you to stay, while you turn your back and walk away, you and love are notin the same country. People on facebook, and twitter, and all thos sites say oh I am in love, We are amazing, and i just want to slap them. Love doesnt last a day and go away a week later, and just because its been a week does not mean this is the one and you will spend your life together.. GET REAL!!! I in no way have a perfect relationship, but I am honest with myself, I give my relationship my all, I tell bradley everything and anything, I spend about 85% of my day thinking about him. I dont even get scared that we will become bored with each other, because even if we have been together all day and we are laying in bed, there is still always something to talk about. We both know where we have been, we know and are open about the rough road we have had in our past, we have no idea about our future, but what we do know, is we will be hand in hand to face whatever comes our way. If you cant say ALL those things.. ALL of them... YOU ARENT IN LOVE!!! GOODNIGHT!!! 

Are you guys bringing me down??

so dont get me wrong, whenever any of you guys tell me I inspired you, or I helped to re-motivate you, that really makes me very happy. However, it is starting to kinda of upset me when I feel like the people I am trying to inspire just try to tear me down. And that is really all I have to say about that. As for my day I had a great workout, and if you are wondering what that beautiful picture is of, well that is my brand new betsey johnson slippers. Arent they amazing??? that is not even everything it got, I got like six pairs of earings and two necklaces and also a very pretty ring. So I am very excited. about all those things, I also can not believe I have the next two whole days off, I am thinking about trying to do something nice for bradley just cant decide what to do. so thats all for tonight. Goodnight everyone.

where is Tiffany and what have you done with her???

So you might be wondering about the title, well the reason I decided to say that is because I made choices today that surpirsed even myself! So I had to get up early so I didnt have a chance to run like I wish I had, but thats okay because when I got up my abs felt like i have literaly done 2000 crunches th night before, which I had actually not done, what I had really done was hula hoop for five minutes while keeping my abs tight. I am so amazed its my new secret move I think. So I woke and had a great breakfast at school, went to class and then got lunch. I had such and amazing lunch. So those of you who know me even alittle bit know I LOVE french fries, like with a passion, i could eat them 24/7 all the time for the rest of my life, if you told me I only could choice one food for the rest of my life, without hesitation I would choice french fries. That is how amazing they are to me. So anyway I go into the cafeteria at school and if anyone has ever eaten at CBU you know that all times during they day they have a french fry bar, a french fry bar I have come to know very well. So unlike my normal day, I skipped that all together, got a spinach salad, a spicy tuna roll and even some cottage cheese, and to top it off, NO soda, not even diet, just some water. So i was really proud of myself for that, like I realy could not believe that big step I made. So when I got home from work tonight I had already eaten dinner, so when I realized I was a little hungry I went in the kitchen and made some oatmeal, didnt mess around didnt snack, just made oatmeal. about an hour later I was really craving french fries, so I told brad and he said we could go get some if I really wanted them, so I sat there for about 10 minutes, then got up and got one of those small single sized bags of popcorn. Not only did I save myself the calories but I also saved myself the money. I know for some they would say I should not be snaking this late and all that stuff, but for me, the fact that I stepped back, said you know I really DONT need those french fries it totally made me even more proud of myself. It was a really great night and now I am off to bed at a normal hour so I CAN wake up in the morning and go for a run.

Hello beautiful people

     Hello all my beautiful friends!!! its been some time, i know, and i seems like i say that often, I also know. However yes i am back. So heres what has been going on with my life, still struggling with weither or not I will continue to persue nursing or if I want to persue something that has more passion to me. I have not lost the 100 million pound I want to but I am re-focusing, and getting ready to make some major imporvements in my life. I have decided that I cant stress over things that I dont have that much control over. When the time comes and it will come, I will know what major I will choose, and I think it time(hopefully soon time) I will know exactly what I want to be. And I do think that will come, because already I think I know what I would like to do, just need to make sure. SOO anyway, as for loosing weight an getting healthy, oh man I have been doing so bad with eating! It has been horrible, totally horrible. I have eaten nothing but crap and junk food!! And working out, what working out? That has been none exsistant also, but not anymore, i noticed something today, last night I told myself I really wanted to try and workout before work, and although I did not accomplish that, I did accomplish getting up and being like step one, actually getting out of bed, and i think that was a really big deal, and it made me happy. So once I get some more homework done I will be putting on my good old running shoes and hitting the pavement for some basic cardio. I am also really going to start boxing again, and try and getting jumping again with a jump rope. So thats the plan for me. Hopefully with this next week you guys will also notice a change in my blog. I want people to see what I see, I think thats really inspiring. So I want to take pics of everything I see from now on, and show you guys, maybe not right as much but show more, if that makes sense. So check back, and keep me posted on what you think!!

Reunited and it feels so good..

So I have been having problems lately. I have been really doubting my career choice what i am going to school for and some other thing, i will be totally honest and tell you that my eating and working out have not been in check. But today i woke up and knew what i need to do. I worked on important school work, go some things around the house done, went jogging(i know totally crazy right) did my P90X. and not only did i do those things but i did them reunited with my favorite work out shirt, my TEAM JULLIAN shirt. it sounds weird but that shirt totally inpowers me, make me feel like i can do anything. So i did a great work out then went and bough some healthy food for the week, i came home and made great breakfast muffins for me an bradley to take with us for a busy week. and i am feeling good, now hopefully this feeling will stay, and i can make some real progress this week :) goodnight!!

Day 23: yay its an update

hello friends or foes, which ever you fall under, How are you doing tonight? I hope your day was better then mine, and your night was as good as mine. I had a very bad day today, I have been very stressed out and just so lost as i had expressed before but then had some girl time with a great friend and then really worked some major stuff out. So that was very good. I'm still a little stressed out about school things but i think that is just to be expected. So last time i told you i was going to update on how my p90x dvds were going and they are going very well. i really like them, alot. they are hard and challenging but are broken up into ten minute periods so its totally do-able, i am really sore tonight and i know tomorrow I am going to be very sore and luckly tomorrow is my easier day and all i have to do is some nice yoga (im sure, its isnt going to be as easy I have convinced myself it will be, but thats okay) so thats pretty much everything I have for you guys tonight. Sorry i dont have a picture tonight but I am already in bed with the lights off and my man friends is ready to cuddle so i think he might have a small fit if i ask him to get up and turn the lights on so I can write in my blog. Just saying.Okay goodnight world see you in the next few days :)

Day 22: tomorrrow is a big day

Hello friends, how are we all doing on this very cold weekend? I hope very well! so I am in a very inspired more tonight because for me tomorrow is a very big day. I finally get to start p90x. For those of you thinking "girlfriend you are crazy, and way to out of shape" well i would have to agree with that. I will be starting the begineers addition. it helps you to start to loose weight and build up the stanima and endurance you will need to do the real thing. I am very excited for this because it is only 30 minutes a day 6 days a week and then only 10 minutes a day once a week. i feel like it is totally do-able for me. I have been working my new position at macys and i love it. Getting to interact with all these new hires reminds me of when i was a new hire and so egar to sell and please. It has really been a very wonderful weekend. and getting to finally break in my new CBU sweatshirt is a great feeling also. I love this cold weather, it makes cuddling with you specail someone even more enjoyable. I hope everyone has a great night and ill update you tomorrow as to how the new workout goes. GOODNIGHT :)

Day 21: Nov 1st, okay lets start a new.

hello friends, so today has been an eye opening day. It started out kind of ruff, I was feeling very down, didnt really want to be at school, didnt want to be alone. Was just in a very horrible mind set. If you dont know last week I got sick and so missed like almost a whole week of school, luckly I have amazing teachers who are totally great (especially if you have a doctors note). but this is not about my teachers or having a bad day, it is about the signs your life throws you when you think all is really lost. So I went into my english professors office, because  I have missed like 4 classes, so I wanted to talk to her about an essay I was behind on and see what i should do. I was telling her all these Ideas that kept poping up as I was writing this essay and leading me in ten different ways, making it so I could never finish anything. Thinking she is going to say oh well to bad, she says "thats great, that is exactly what this class is suppose to do, you are totally on track, let your mind go, explore all the options it wants you too," it was sooo amzing to have a professor who was actually interested in what I was saying. She told me to go home and just write about the essay, whatever came to mind all the ideas just write them and then submit it, because she was excited to read it and see that her class WAS doing what she wanted it to. Making me question what i started with, make me uncomfortable but still making me grow. It was really cool. so after talking to her i went to my global studies class where we had a guest speaker, who had been living in Indonesia, including when the big earth quake and tsunami hit. And even though he said some amazing things, there was one thing he shared. when the wave hitthe village him and his family were staying in as missionaries was hit, him and his family were actually on a boat on there way to singapour, when they returned to find nothing they were shocked. their neighbor, a young girl in her twenties who had lost both her parents the year before had lost everything as well, including the family animals that helped her to earn money. The speaker was so enraged he asked her why she thought God would do this to them (yes this was a missionary saying this) and he said the next thing she said forever changed him more then any natural disaster could. she said " Brian, what do you mean? God kept you, your family, me, our neighbors alive. The question is what did we do for God to spare us." isnt that inspiring? because that is how so many of us live our lifes, asking what we did wrong for god to punish us, when we should be asking what we did to deserve the small gifts we get. I feel so good today. I hope to keep that message in my mind. Please tell me what you think of that message.

day 20: its time to face the truth.

So it really is time to face the facts and be honst with myself as well as the people who support me and also read my blog. I keep painting a picture i think, painting this picture of what i want everyone to see, but i think its also a picture i want to see, maybe if i make myself see a "picture" i will start to believe it. I keep saying I am not working out as much as I like, but the truth is I am really not working out at all, and i keeping fooling myself with this whole eating thing. If you order off the "healthy" menu does not mean you can eat as much as you want and it will be fine. I feel very lost in my life in a lot of reasons, be completely uncomfortable with myself is one of those things, I am very lost in life and also in school. I recently dressed up for a halloween party, and was so uncomfortable with myself i felt like a fool, getting dressed up and then looking around me and seeing everyone look thin and sexy and then there was me. feeling like an frompy fool, I look around me and see poeple who will be starting their careers in just s few months or a year and i look around and say wow i still have four years till i come close to my career. Do i even want to be a nurse? how does anyone know what they want to be? do you just know? because i really dont know. So im being honest. please give me some feed back. I am very confused in life and things I am so uncomfortable with how i look but i feel like I have felt this way for years now so why arent I changing things. UHHHH im frustrated, can you tell... Any help??? (oh and sorry, no picture tonight)

day 18: HMMM

So i do not have a fancy title today, mainly because much like the weather it was just a dreey day. I got to spend most of the day by my very specail man-friends side tho. He is doing alot better today, in case any one was worried. I really don't have much to say about today. I have been feeling like maybe im getting sick, which means I was not able to work out today, bummer. but i think tomorrow i might try and get out an maybe go for a hike or something. get outside and enjoy this cold weather. So thats really all I have tonight not that eventful. I am really sorry for anyone out there looking for some more. I dont have much to give tonight. But stay posted and I am sure tomorrow will be more eventful, I think on top of working out i might try and do some baking, since i will be home all day i will be homeworking, working out and baking, let me know if you would like to join me for any of the above :) have a great night everybody!

day 17: what a day...

hello friends, sooo what a day today has been. Sorry it is so late, I promise I have not forgotten about you. Today was very long, did not going into work today to stay home with bradley who is suffering from hand foot and mouth dease, when he broke out in welts, and so we made him a doctors app. but when he started to get worse we had to head into urgent care. luckly he had been taking the right medicine from the begining, so he got just a little more for the next 5 days and he is good to go. He is a little tired and a little out of it but will be back to normal very soon. As for me I am just tired my meals today consisted of a frozen quesodilla i microwaved, a piece of pizza, and then a smart one mexican plate. Yea working out? it didnt really happen today. I really should be doing some more homework but I think I am going to bed for the night. So goodnight everybody I hope everyone has a much better day then me, and lets all have great days tomorrow. GOODNIGHT :)

Day 16: horrible horrible horrible, I know!!!

Okay so maybe what a month of being a no show? if not longer? I am so sorry to anyone who is still out there reading. I promise to get back on track, which is actually tonights topic. Lets fill you in on the last month of my life. I have been going threw my own personal issues, which have really been stressing me out, feeling very "lost" to say the least. I have been doubting why and what I am going to school for, I have been off track with working out, I have been eating pretty good but when I come home from work or school I am just too tired to do anything. I feel like so many parts of my life are falling to the side because of everything else. I think sometimes i dont give enough time to my absolutly amazing patient boyfriend, not enough time to my beautiful dogs, not enough time to keeping my whole life just in order. Soo this weekend I got to sit down and have an amazing talk with a friend who I am realizing is one of those people you can talk for hours two about a million and one things and you get sooooo much figured out. well she said I helped her to realize so much, but i do not think she realized how much she made me realize. starting this week i need to get MY life back. working out is important me, and i need to find time to do it, NO EXCUSES!! I only have 3 more days working at the current position I am at work and then i get to move to something I will be making more money at as well as have more responsiblity at, so i can not let the manager i have to deal with of the old position ruin my moods or my days, I need to stop finding my friendships on the TV, stop getting lost in a mindless box when i know there is plenty more to be doing. As my very good friend said she is going to start doing the artistic things she likes doing, I like to cook and bake so I am going to make time to do that. Finally, I need to remember something, I am choosing to go into a career that is not easy, it is very demnading and very fast paced and requires alot from me, so i can not let myself get frustrated when I see how much school I have left, I am going to be open about whats going on and find ways to ask for help from the people who have told me they are always there to listen and help me. SOOOO yea, thats all, just those few little things ;) I have some things i really want to work on, And I PROMISE to be on here every night telling you how its going each week..(oh and each night i am going to start thanking someone who helped me in anyway that day) sooo THANKS Rory for telling me you miss the blog and making me restart up, thanks Sam for having great conversation with me and helping to reinspire and relight some old flames, and thank you bradley for being the most patient man in history as I slowly loose my mind. good night every body

day 15: ankle deep in a tin of ice...

Hello friends, I know its been a few days. Im sorry i could not seem to find that five minutes to update you. So lets just jump right into it. When we left off it was the night before my big weigh in.. well the results are in and the total weight lost for last week is.... 4lbs. Yes that is correct four whole pounds. I was really excited about that I really have been feeling a change and its so nice to see that change on the scale as well. So other then the big weigh in the only other thing i have done is gone to disneyland. Which lead us to the above title. Well decided to head to disneyland on Monday for labor day. Knew it would be crowded but me and brad really didnt care. So woke up to thunder first of all, mostly because if its raining at disneyland crowds tend to stay away. Not the case however sunny and beautiful(little hot) and crowds in full. Thats okay tho still had a blast got on a TON of rides actually, however the down fall of the day was going on splash montain. Well got pretty wet and then these totally cute little sandals i bought a few weeks ago I have been wearing and have been very comfy, well add water, and they are not so comfy, infact all they did was rub against the balls of my feet and now i have two HUGE blisters on each of my feet. Its really cute, If any of you happen to pass threw macys today and see a young visual assistant hobbling around the store looking like a gimp, well that would have been me. Luckly I have an amazing manager who totally felt my pain and let me hang in the visual off(and do minimal walking) and get this adhesive off these huge towers we need. Now here i sit my feet half frozen. But thats okay, starting school on thursday and I know im 21 and everything and the first day of school jiters should be out of my system, but they are indeed not. Well I am off to bed(and remove my ice cubes i mean feet from its tin) goodnight all... wish me luck this week, hoping for another great number!!

day 14: big day tomorrow

Well tomorrow is a big day. Its my first offical big weigh in since i have been really doing good. A little nervous I have been working out pretty hard. I mean i only went to the gym three times this week but when i went i really worked hard and did everything I could. I have really tried to stay on track with eating this week. I even had wheat grass shot today(YUCK) to try and help detox before tomorrow. It was so horrible by the way ewww... So wish me luck. I wanna weigh in and have a good turn out because i totally brought home bagels from work and i wanna be able to enjoy one tomorrow and know that i earned it. so we shall see. I will let you know tho, so keep in touch.

Day 13: EHHHHH

Well today has not been my day. Had a good day at work, besides the fact that we have a labor day sale all weekend and then after that a freaking one day sale. SO besides Visual working our asses off to do everything in the store(there is two of us by the way). So these last two nights i have come home just like exhausted. But then today I had to go to orentation and new student dinner at CBU and i was kinda bumed because i was just not feeling being there. I was tired and I had the worst headache and really was just not feeling well. So that was kind of a bummer. But now im home. No gym tonight, but had a great dayof eating, went to joses with my manager and some merch girls and the only thing i got was some salsa for my wrap i made at home. So not only did i stay on budget but i also stayed on track. I was super proud of myself. I am actually kinda of eager to weigh in this week. I cant really be disappointed in what ever happens because the choices I am making are different and better and they are coming natuarlly. wow even just writing all that has made me alot happier. Im going to go finish my warm water with lemon watch my project runway and then off to bed. Tomorrow is friday and although i am not off till sunday i dont work on saturday till 6. YAY!!!

Day 12: Betsey Overload and a hot mess!!!

Hello friends. So im writting this kinda quickly tonight because its almost midnight and I have to be up at seven for work (i know, i sound like a big girl and everything) so heres todays run down. Was suppose to b at work at 6:30am and then my alarm decided to fail and i woke up at 7:10. SHIT. so rushed to work, luckly my boss lady is super chill and totally understood. So the day was totally off to a ruff start huge sale we had to set the whole store up for and tons to do, and it seemed like every single thing was totally working against me. So finally i get into my grove a little bit start just busting things out, and then its lunch. When all the sudden I realize holy crap its a labor day sale and everything is an additional 15% off, So all this amazing betsey Johnson stuff i had my friend in jewlary stash for me is now not 50% off its 65%. So i eat my yummy(healthy packed) lunch and head downstairs to claim my prizes. When then she tells me that she has a coupon for me that i can use because I'm using my card. Amazing i know. So these necklaces I have wanted FOREVER that are normally like 45 and 50 dollars are now just... drum roll please... 10.50 a piece and that is before my employee discount... AMAZING. Thats why tonights picture is of my necklaces. Incase you cant tell. There are four necklaces, There is a pink heart that says LOVE and its pink and glittery, then behind that is this super cute pug face and it has a bow and  dimond dangalies hanging from it, to the right of that is my totally cute giraffe, and infront of that is a pink bejeweled crown with dimonds and pretty things. and in the middle of all those is the best, MY HUGE PINK ELEPHANT RING. you cant see the top but it has a huge dimond as well. sooo excited!! so after that the world was good again. Was totally chill the rest of the day at work, came home had a really yummy dinner(chicken salad with dark lettuce chicken and some of that yummy loco dressing from el polo loco) went to the gym, kicked ass on my run.. feeling really good this week. I hope everyone out there is as well. Well i gotta go to work. I am a big girl now who has to work early. GOODNIGHT :)

day 11: wow, the way world universe works.

Hello, I know what your thinking, looks who is the early bird today. And yes I most deffenatly am. Today is so interesting, the reason for that is because i decided to jump on the scale and just see, see where I am at. I mean I only went to the gym like two or three times this week. Didnt eat super great, but you know you cant make changes unless you know what your working with, right? Well, I stepped on that scale, closed my eyes, counted to ten and looked down. And woah! What a shock I actually lost a pound this week. I mean i know thats not alot but its going to right way down the road im heading. Its taking steps forward and not taking steps backward. And that makes me pretty happy. So ill be heading to the gym pretty soon here. Oh and starting my new job tomorrow thats pretty exciting also. Well Im going to finsih watching Big Rich Texas(my great secret addication) then ill see you later. I hope everyone has a great day and a great week also.

day 10: im a bad blogger :(

Sorry, I have been a really bad blogger lately i know.. There has been so much i want to say but i keep forget to do it. and then when I am laying in bed at like 1:30 im like awwww i forgot again!! okay well im here now, so I came to a realization today, i have this whole great mind from about getting healthy loosing weight and all that, but i set myself up to fail everytime. why is that? because i say i want to get healthy I am not on  a diet, I am doing a complete life style change right? well then how come i am like okay well by sept bla bla bla I am going to be a million pounds lighter. Well heres a shocker that day comes and goes, that weight never comes and I sit totally defeated. There is a reason that people struggle with this, and it is because it isnt an easy thing nor something that once you do it your done, skinny forever. Its hard, it takes time and dedication, but i mean I am dedicating to a full time work schedule, a full time school schedule, dedicating to a career that is very competive and hard to do. So why not take this time to do something for my body? I mean i either put the time in now or suffer later right? So im not setting dead lines, its going to happen i just need to remember that. I need to work make smart choices about what to eat, but also to remember  that just because i want to go and have a french fry doesnt make me a failure. It makes me a person, you know? Alright gotta go watch Jersey show now... have a goodnight ad lets have a great week!

DAY 9: YAY the beach.

WOW, Im doing pretty good this week, working out, writing in my blog, eating(well thats atleast going decent) i am sitting here eating an apple tho, so thats good. but had a fun day, went to the beach and got to get away from the stress of worrying about money and life and work, and it was really nice actually. you know that whole only having to worry about getting eaten by a 1000 pound man eating fish thing. which the crazy part is we were totally going to go to hunginton today (where they caught a shark today) but then changed to go to oceanside(got lucky there) but hung out with caden and brad and goik, did some extreme boggie boarding( which consisded of slamming into goik) and then eating at rubys and having a very yummy salad, then cam home and now its jersey shore night. Heading to the gym tomorrow, gotta keep doing my running and staying on track. staying positive this week and NO DRAMA!!! thats all im saying about that situation.

Day 8: Inspirations in the smallest of packages..

So today was not all that expiring. Went to Sam's club and Costco(bought some healthy stuff for the week though) came home, had some Oreos( I know that is not a great choice but they were so DELISOUS!!!) kind of just hung out, waiting for brad to get home. My mom then asked me if I could do her a favor and take my sister to these gymnastics classes. Here is the story with my younger sister, If you know here you know she was a team gymnast, if you dont know her well first off she is all of like four foot four and like 85 lbs, second, she was a level five competitive gymnast. She was going on almost four years of gymnastics when this summer she decided to walk away, and for pretty good reasons. This summer the gym she goes to got new coaches. Now don't get me wrong, gymnastics is a very hard sport, an you have to be pushed to succeed. However, when you tell a 12 year old girl she looks like a dead fish flopping on the ground, well not only are you rude but your a word I don't care to say on my blog. After two or three months of Sierra coming home from practice because her coaches were not only making her "condition" harder then most Olympic gymnasts, but there was a new insult every night(if you would like the list i kept, we can discuss it further) we sat down as a family and decided she would take time off. She has been really happy ever since quiting, but has missed this sport she has done almost all her life. So she went back tonight just to do rec classes. This is where my inspiration came in, She walked in and although all her friends were happy to see her, those same coaches that were the reason she left just glared at her and me. But she tumbled an worked out and had a great time. In the car on the way home she said the greatest thing "I'm not going to let some dumb coach ruin MY sport" she inspired me so much i decided to return back to gymnastics next week with her to the classes I use to take. When you look for inspiration in your everyday life, you find it in even the smallest of places, and Little's of accomplishments.

Day 7: new friends and new revelations,

WOW, day number 7. weekaversry!!! Okay on to the point, so I know I am actually writting early today. well thats because i have some serious things to say. I got to make a new friend today and it was really interesting when you think to that time when you meet someone for the first time. Do you even remember what thoughts race threw your mind? depending on the type of person you are, do you let the positive thoughts race right out of your head and hold onto all the negavtive one you have? or do you let the bad thoughts race out an hold onto those postivie thoughts? does anyone really follow the "dont judge a book by its cover" saying? i dont know. here is what i do know starting today. My new friend made me realize something today( see new friend you inspire me already) everyone really does struggle. It does not matter who you THOUGHT they were, everyone has these things they want to work on, most of the time they dont want us to see those issues, and why is that? Why is it that on top of the struggles we have already we then struggle to hide everything we are trying to do. Lets face it, we cant do everything on our own. We need our supports, and why should we want to do it alone? When you do something so amazing, when you accomplish something so great, dont you want to turn to someone special and say "LOOK WHAT I DID" and dont you want someone to tell you how great it was that you did that? I know I do.And you know what the people who want to see you do good are going to support you and are going to want to watch you succeed, and the people that dont want you to, well they are going to want to see you do it,probably becuase they could never do it themselves. Soo, here is my new plan, I am going to ask for support find people who can build me up and I can build up(alot of which i already have) I am going to celebrate the smallest things(like eating a great breakfast and lunch) and im going to be honest with what I can do and can accomplish and what I might fail at. Great monday if i do say so myself. 

day number???? soorrrry

Okay Okay Im a bad blogger I have been preoccupied a little bit. But Im back, and Im really ready to start out this week. So these last few days/week have been all about me figuring out things in life, and yes I know that doesnt happen over a week, but its starting me down the right path. I have had alot of doubts lately. In my relationship with both my signifcant other and my friendships, I have had alot of doubts about god and religion for many years now, and have had alot of doubts about what I am capable of. Well over this summer so many things for me have been answered.  I realized that I dont have to go to chruch every day or even everyweek, I dont have to scream to the world how catholic I am or what i believe the relationship I have with god is just that, my relationship with god. But it is deffenatly a relationship i need to continue working one. I have been so happy lately that some of my closest friends have come back into my life and given me the chance to see what amazing friendships i have and continue to have. Most important my relationship with Brad. We have deffenatly been tested lately. But i feel like right when we fall down I really notice how much we continue to grow with each other and how blessed I am to have that support system. SOO as for  this week coming up. Brad has two aunts that i truly find inspirational, well actually most of his family inspires me, but in this aspect he has two, they both are open with their struggle with weight and the struggle they have always faced. What inspires me about them is that they are always open with everyone about what things they are trying to help them with their struggle and they are always open when something fails them. Spending time with them on sundays always makes me ready to face my week ahead. so thats what I have for time being, I promise I will be good all week and keep you in the loop(pictures and all) i hope everyone starts their week out right as well. GOODLUCK!!!

day 5: we all face some bumbs.

so in every relationships i think its pretty fair to say every relationship faces problems, it has ups and downs, but i think for me personally its when you face those downs that you really see what those ups really mean to you. I was giving someone relationship advice today, and it sort of made me laugh because it was the same advice i followed to try to show Brad how much i liked him, and to think of all those starting stages of our relationships. it makes me happy to know that not only have I watched myself grow so much as a person these last fews years but I have had someone there to push me to go further then i ever thought i could go and to be there to support me but also give me that chance to stand alone to succeed and fly or fail and fall(but then always pick me up) but thats not the point of the today. My whole point of this today was to say althought i have not yet taken my health change seriously yet, i have been noticing other parts of my life changing just this week, that makes me happy. oh and sorry no picture today, the computer has no webcam on it... LAME.. :)

day 4: new devils? or just finally seeing?

So techincally its actully day five. but if your really paying that close attention then you need to get a life quicker then i do. so heres the verdict i have faced today, food truly is a demon for me. I seem to loose all control in that aspect. today for example, i was makinf a seasme chicken frozen meal, nice healthy option right? and while waiting for it to cook, i suddenly realized i was snakcing on a stale old piece of apple pie. It wasnt even good. Whats wrng with that pciture? I feel like i have so much inspiration all around me to change my eating but i dont do anything about it. and that is very frustrating! why is it so hard to break habits, habits that arent even healthy for us. Is this what an addict feels like it?  totally trapped in the whole they have dug themselves? why is it that 9 times out of tens the things we hate most about ourself are the things that are the hardest to change? any advice from anyone? how can i change my eating habits for the better, once and for all! no diets, no starving, truly becoming healthy!!! I NEED HELP!!!

day 3: OUCH!!!

so sorry for those of you who were waiting to hear more from me yesterday. It was not a positive day. seemed like everything i tried to did not happen.but thats okay i suppose have to keep my head up. so as for today, well i went to work at 11 today, things were going very well, like half an hour before my shift was over i was talking to my manager, took a step forward and all the sudden horrible pains shot up both of my hips. It was positivly horrible!!! Then I got home and now not only do my hip bones feel like someone is stabing them, but now my whole lower back, from side to side, is in the worst pain also! soooooo here i lay on the couch with a heating pad. not exactly the best when you had a list the size of china you wanted to get done once you got home from work.. OUCH...

Day 2: a cheap treadmill and jillian micheals.

so day number two of blogging... i have no idea if anyone is reading this but here goes. So i went to old navy today and found running shorts for .97 cent. yes thats right .97 cents. they are cute, and super hot pink. so with new shorts in tow i was ready to get back to working out. So my mom bought this new treadmill the other day and i was going to try it out because for as much as i loath running, heres a fact i always notice, when at the gym where the line of treadmills are you always see the skinny in shape girls running there asses off and then the not so Skinny girl on the other things. so my new philosophy is i will essentially fake it till i make it. Run on the treadmill like i am a skinny girl until i actually become a skinny girl. so i hop on this treadmill and start going and it freaking SUCKED!!! as the incline got higher i couldnt even rest my hands on something i was to tall. so after 10 minutes of totally struggling i hit that huge red stop button and was DONE... i sat on the couch with the intent to be pissed off with an inaniment object, or i could try this again. so here i sit saying a quick hello and now i am off to do a jillian micheals video(because after all she is my hero in life) i shall keep you posted till then. oh and SUPER sexy workout/daily picture is up.

Dry run.

Okay well its the first day out... I will warn you know you will probably find more spelling mistakes and puncuation errors then if a second grader was writting this. But here we go. I read so many peoples blogs, sometimes even people i dont know that well. Its funny how you can write our deepest thoughts on a blog for hundreds of people to read, but could probably never say most of them outload. Do you think that we do that because this way the thoughts go somewhere but we dont actually have to SAY them? for example, I am uncomfortable in my own skin and the way i look. wow i just erased and rewrote that about 100 times. but thats the point of the blog to be honest maybe even when i dont want to be. but why write a blog? because maybe if i have something to answer to i can follow something i have never followed threw with. and that is... getting healthy. i dont want another family function to come around and me to think wow i wish i was about 75 lbs thinner, or another date night that i go on grumpy because nothing fit like it did when i bought it. i found something interesting today. this may sound totally lame, but as i was watching keeping up with the Kardashings today, which was all about Kim having the issues with being infront of crowds of people talking dancing and performing, i realized that she is a women who has possed naked for playboy, has been captured in a string bikini, and you know what, still has body and confidence issues. Isnt that saying something? Im not sure what i will always write in this blog. but my goal is to always write in this blog, on the good days, the bad days, even the ugly days with a picture included(much like the one above).. so hopefully, if im lucky maybe ill help someone else struggling with goals that seem inpossible, and if not.. well i still got you to waste like maybe 10 minutes on me rambling . so here goes, my journey to find whatever it is I am looking for to find. goodnight.